Role Playing

One of the most sacred institutions created by God is that of marriage. When done correctly, it's a source of great happiness, joy, intimacy, and so much more. But, anyone who has been a part of one knows that it takes work, patience, and often time some good ol' humility.

Fortunately for us, God has laid out to us in His Word the roles that each of us are supposed to play in marriage.  God says in Ephesians 5:31 that "...the two shall become one flesh."  And again in Mark 10:9, "...What God has put together, Let not man separate." Marriage is a covenant made with God. It's more than a piece of paper, or the exchanging of rings and vows. It is a contract between two people and their Creator.

I think with all of the different things going on in society today, the advancement of women in the workplace and in professional levels, their increasing income, the demasculinization of men by the media, etc... I think the lines of leadership in the household are being seriously skewed.

Don't confuse what I'm saying... What I'm trying to say is that God didn't define our roles in the workplace, but he did define our roles in the home. So, let's get down to it...

Ephesians 5:22-33

22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. 24 Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, 26 that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, 27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. 30 For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. 31 “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”32 This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Phew... There it is. God's roles for a man and woman in marriage. If I were to paraphrase this chunk into one line it would be, "Men, love your wives, Women respect your husbands." That is really all these verses are saying.

So, Ladies, be real with me. Those first two verses are tough to read aren't they? Submit? The husband is the head of the wife? What is this, 1950? Well, no it isn't, this was actually written closer to 50 AD.

Let me break it down a little bit here and roll into the next few verses to make you feel a little better about it. What is Submission? Submission is simply being Sub- or Under a broader mission. Hopefully, you have a husband who is sold out to God and growing with Him and you. If that is true, he is then sold out to God's mission for your family. The husband is submitted to God. He is submitted to a higher calling for what God has in store for you and your future. He is, according to God, the appointed leader of the family!

Ladies, you may have a husband that is new to his faith, and may not be as spiritually mature as you even, and you think that maybe it's your responsibility to lead the family. It's not. It's still his! If he's willing to learn and grow, let him. Be there with him. Support him. Be his biggest cheerleader for growth. I came into my marriage a spiritual blank. I was very new to this faith thing. My wife had been a Christian the majority of her life, but she understood her role and she knew that she was required to support me in my growth as the leader.

But, even if you are still stuck on those first two verses, read verse 25, "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her." How much love is the man supposed to give his wife? Well, as much as Christ did for the church. How much did He love the church? He DIED for it. He gave EVERYTHING. Ladies... when you submit to you husband, he has now been given the responsibility to love you SO MUCH, he must be willing to DIE FOR YOU, Give everything for you and the betterment of your marriage. He's gotta be willing to lay everything down to make sure you are taken care of and your family succeeds. 

Does that make you feel better? Ladies, that should take a huge weight from your shoulders knowing that your husband is sold out that much to you and your success. 

Now guys, You gotta understand the faith that it takes your wife to hand over that responsibility. But, God made it ours. He wants us to lead our marriage. He will be there to help us along the way. And that will also allow her to give to us what our utmost desire is deep down inside of us: RESPECT. Men... Be real, right? We just want our wives to respect us. For me, I know that for my wife to say that she loves me is a real cool thing, I dig it, and I want to hear it. But, when she stops to tell me that she respects me as a father, a husband... as a MAN. Holy cow, talk about a boost in self esteem! That will make me want to give EVERYTHING for my wife. She is my everything, and when she raises me up like that, man, I will walk to the ends of the earth to do whatever it is to lead my wife and my family. 

And that is what verse 32 says... men love your wife, and women respect your husbands.

It all boils down to those few simple words. 

Men, you gotta be willing to step up and lead your family by following God's guidance. By doing so, lead your wife by showing her the love she so truly needs and desires. Prove your love to her by acting like the man she needs, win her over every day, and show her you can be trusted as the leader. 

Women, give your husband his greatest innate desire by giving him the respect he NEEDS by submitting to his leadership and the plan God has in store for you both. It will take a big leap of faith for some of you, but God rewards the faithful.

If anyone is at all intrigued by this, here are a few books I've read along the way that have been HUGE for figuring out things in my life, marriage, etc... 

Love and Respect by Dr Emmerson Eggerichs
The Five Languages of Love by Gary Chapman
Wild at Heart by John Eldredge
Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge

Sit down and read these with your spouses. They will change they way you interact with each other, you kids, your family, and lead you to such an amazing marriage and family life if you just want to listen and learn.  

I hope someone got something out of this and I'm sorry if it kinda dragged on a bit, but it's something that I could go on an on about for days. I mean, heck, Dr. Eggerichs wrote and entire book about this one single stanza in Ephesians. So, enjoy, and as always, I welcome your feedback!

The Power of Forgiveness

I once read a quote about what the most important phrases or words you ever need to learn to have successful relationships. They were things like, Thank you, I love you, I’m sorry and so forth. The one that really stuck out for me, though, was, “I forgive you.” From the time we are little, we are taught those first few phrases. Even today, there is a song that I sing with my kids that goes like this, “Please and thank you, please and thank you, say them twice, that’s so nice!” And it is nice to say those things, but, No one really ever talks about the “its ok, I forgive you” part of it. That’s why I think it is really hard for people to truly understand forgiveness, especially when it isn't deserved in the world’s eye.

Forgiveness is our way of allowing someone who hurt us to know that we are ok with it. The whole idea is odd. “You hurt me, but no big deal. Move on with your life because I forgive you.” I don’t think as the person being forgiven we actually, truly understand how much we may have hurt another individual.

But, God forgave us.

We hurt Him more than we could ever comprehend through our sin.

The craziest part is that He loved us so much, that he actually sent His son down here to die for us. To become sin for us. To die the death we deserved.

Think about that for a minute. Can you comprehend what I just wrote? Imagine someone you loved more than anything hurting you, betraying you and casting you aside. Even denying that you were a part of their life anymore. Then, they gave up their most precious possession to show you how much they still loved you and wanted to be a part of your life.

God did that for us. He gave up His son for us.

For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life (John 3:16).

That is forgiveness. There is no greater example that the world will ever see than God forgiving us through Jesus.

Accepting God’s Grace and forgiveness is essential to becoming a Christian. But, I want to take a step back. Sure, God forgives us. He does. But, that’s not the point I want to make with this today.  I want you all that are struggling to understand this:

You’ll never understand what God has in store for you with His Grace and His forgiveness until you do one thing: You must learn how to forgive 
YOURSELF.

This was my biggest struggle when I first started to learn who Jesus was. I didn't think He could forgive me because of all this guilt I had buried inside of me. I couldn't be forgiven for my sin because I couldn't forgive myself for my past.

Do you feel like you don’t deserve forgiveness?  Are you holding on to something in the past? Let it go!

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?  Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come,  nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:35, 37-39)

Nothing, NOTHING can separate us from the love of Christ! Absolutely nothing.  We are more than conquerors! That is such a powerful piece of scripture. We are more than overcomers! We can overcome and conquer anything that stands in our way or haunts our past because of the Love that is in us through Christ Jesus!

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new (2 Corinthians 5:17)

You are a new creation. We are called “Born again” because we are literally reborn through Christ Jesus when we accept him as our Lord and Savior! We are a new creation! When you are struggling with sin from the past, it is in the past. It is all washed away when you are reborn!

Don’t let guilt separate you from God. You feel this guilt because the adversary does not want you to experience this forgiveness. He is that author of confusion whispering in your ear that you don’t deserve it!

 For God is not the author of confusion but of peace, as in all the churches of the saints  (1 Corinthians 14:33)

You are cleansed from your former sins!

For he who lacks these things is shortsighted, even to blindness, and has forgotten that he was cleansed from his old sins (2 Peter 1:9)

If you are not forgiving yourself, then you are denying everything that Christ came here for. He came here so that you could experience joy and peace.  He doesn’t want you to keep dwelling in the past. He removed them from you and infinitely separated you from them!

And these things we write to you that your joy may be full (1 John 1:4)

As far as the east is from the west, So far has He removed our transgressions from us (Psalm 103:12)

So, this is what you need to do.

1. Be honest with yourself. No one is perfect, trust in Jesus. Therefore I say to you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven…(Luke 7:47a)
2.  Realize the debt has been paid!  And you, being dead in your trespasses and the uncircumcision of your flesh, He has made alive together with Him, having forgiven you all trespasses, having wiped out the handwriting of requirements that was against us, which was contrary to us. And He has taken it out of the way, having nailed it to the cross (Colossians 2:13-14)
3.  Allow the holy spirit to heal your soul!  Cast all your cares upon Him, for He cares for you (1 Peter 5:7)
4. View yourself as reborn… recreated (2 Corinthians 5:17)

Finally, I leave you with this last piece of scripture. You are free from death, from the sins of your past, because you are no longer living according to your flesh.

There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has made me free from the law of sin and death (Romans 8:1-2)

God Bless you all!